life on Looking for the Fig Tree

A Testimony of Lamentation

Tue, 28 Jun 2022 08:56:32 -0700

My pastor asked me to share a personal testimony at church of a time or situation where I’ve felt grief, lament, and experienced God’s presence. This is an edited version of what I shared on 06/26/2022 at West Covina Christian Church. If you want to see me share it you can watch it on the church’s recording of that service:

My story of lament is the story of how I ended up not finishing my undergrad college degree. To understand it though, I need to share a little bit more about what led me to college to begin with. My middle school and high school years were a very tumultuous time – I struggled with depression and some of the issues that come with that. I also identified as a Christian. Even though I had an abstract understanding of God’s personal love for me, I often did not feel worthy of it – so I never let myself feel it. Through a miracle of grace, I made it through those teen years – God made it clear to me that my life was not worthless AND that there was purpose to be found in living a life dedicated to God’s glory.

I took that feeling, made it my own, and held it tightly to my heart. As a junior in high school, I applied to BIOLA University (a Christian college in La Mirada, CA) and decided that going to that school and graduating was the next step in being able to do whatever “great” thing God wanted me to do for his glory.

College was very challenging for me. I registered for 18 units in my first semester. I was also working two part time jobs. I was also trying to help my family at home by caring for my younger sister and my autistic younger brother. Looking back it is somewhat of a miracle that I even made it into college at all. I barely knew anything about the actual logistics of getting into and “doing” college – registering for classes, financial aid, how classes and tests actually work. I had few established friends or relationships at the school. I had received some scholarships but also had taken out loans.

The walls began to close in. The longer I went the more stressed I became. I was barely holding it together – my family, my jobs, my schooling. I FELT like I had no one to talk to who would understand. Some days, I’d have a harder time getting my brother out the door to school and I’d miss a morning class. Missing one morning class snowballed into more missed classes – assignments piled up, group projects piled up, and bit by bit I was overwhelmed.

I cried a lot in those days. I felt like I was trying to do the things God called me to and it just felt more and more impossible. I kept looking around at my peers; They seemed so carefree – things seemed so easy for them. They did not seem weighed down by jobs or loans or family obligations – and if they did, they certainly seemed to handle it all so much better than I was. I did not resent them for it, but I was intensely jealous.

By the end of my time at BIOLA, I had abandoned my classes; I didn’t know to drop them; I didn’t know I could talk to my professors. I felt backed into a corner of my own creation, alone, trapped, and without hope.

I began frequenting a small chapel on campus – few people went there. And it was there that I would prostrate myself on the floor and pray and weep. And maybe it would be more accurate to say that my prayers were weeping. I was scared, guilty, and ashamed. I had again hit rock bottom in my life, even though I thought I could not do so again. It felt like all my hopes and dreams had evaporated.

Image Source: BIOLA Blog

It was in this small chapel that even in my deep deep sorrow, God met me. I don’t recall what I prayed, but I do know that the time I spent in that chapel was intensely spiritual and before God.

“Why me?”

“What do I do now?”

“How am I going to deal with my debt?”

“Why can’t I have what I want?”

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because[a] the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

Romans 8:26-27

Finally, I remember a voice that said:

“This is not the end. You think that this is the only avenue by which you can serve me and you are wrong. There is honor and purpose in doing the job you have and supporting your family. That is not any less ‘glorifying’ to me than if you were a Pastor, Teacher, or Missionary.”

Those words didn’t take away my grief and sorrow, but they reminded me that God was personally attentive to me, and that he was helping me to understand and move through my pain. Even though I ended up dropping out of school and letting go of those dreams, God has never ceased to reassure me of his presence in my life and his provision.

DIY Rey's Quarterstaff

Mon, 11 Oct 2021 11:57:53 -0700

The stars have aligned this year. The children have all decided they want to be Star Wars characters for Halloween. This was not an outcome that I actively sought, but I welcome it. I’m sure none of you are surprised.

Amelia wanted to be Rey and, of course, Rey needs her iconic quarterstaff. I went back and forth for quite a while about whether I wanted to make it myself but ultimately decided that it would be a fun creative challenge to DIY it. A lot of the materials we already had on hand:

PVC pipe
Black spray paint
Duct tape
Hot glue gun

Had to go out to the local Walmart to get the following additional items:

D Ring fasteners ($2.48)
Muslin fabric ($4.97) (This was more than we needed, but figured having extra wouldn’t hurt since we could potentially have use for it with other costumes)
Metallic silver paint acrylic paint ($1.97)
Metallic copper acrylic paint ($1.97)
Craft foam sheets ($5.72)

I drew most of my inspiration from this blog post . My main goals were to create a staff that was:

Light and easy to handle, since my daughter would be handling it
Accurately followed the movie color scheme
Reflected the scavenger vibe of Rey’s character

I thought about trying to do a more exacting replica of the contours and coloring of the staff from the movie, but decided against that. You can see the finished product:

Definitely not perfect, but still, not bad! If you’re curious, here’s a rough overview of the process I followed.

Planning

I studied some images of the staff and divided the PVC pipe up into four equal sections. I drew those lines directly on to the pipe since, obviously, the pipe is going to get pained over anyways. Once I made the sections, I began to sketch some of the features that I would be adding to each section of the pipe. I then began to measure and cut out the craft foam for each of those sections. I also ate some tacos for lunch that day - a key part of the process.

At this point, I sanded down the entire surface of the pipe with fine grained sand paper. I did this to help the glue and paint adhere better to the pipe.

Attaching the Foam and Adding Contours

Once I had a plan of attack drawn onto the pipe, and all of the pieces of foam I needed cut out, I began to hot glue them all on. This was a fluid process though as sometimes I found that the pieces I cut out were to small (or too big) and needed to be adjusted on the fly.

Once I glued the base level of craft foam on, I drilled pilot holes for the D Ring fasteners and then screwed them.

After this, I began to layer foam to add distinct textures to the staff to break up the visual monotony.

Once I was satisfied, I moved on to painting the staff.

Paint

I didn’t take too many pictures during this part. Sorry. Basically I spray painted the entire staff with a base satin black coat (this is the color I had on hand). There may have been a better option for base coat color, but I think it turned out well enough. Side note, I have very little painting experience, and this was my first attempt to try and produce this kind of effect.

After waiting 24 hours for the base coat to try, I moved on to opening up my silver and copper paints to try and weather the staff. I first started with the silver and sparingly brushed small amounts on to the parts of staff that I could imagine being exposed to the elements. Mostly did this by trial and error. It was also a lot of detailed work, but still ended up being very satisfying. I then repeated this process 30 minutes later with the copper paint, which I was hoping would give the appearance of a rustiness to the staff.

My painting skills were a bit sloppy – you can see there are some spots where I definitely slipped up and got paint on spots that shouldn’t need it – but overall I was pleased with the final result there.

Getting a Grip

In my design, there were two sections of the staff designed for where hands would grip it. The first and smaller portion, I wrapped with black duct tape that we had on hand. It feels much better to the touch than the spray painted PVC.

For the larger cloth grip part of the staff, I used the muslin cloth that I purchased. First I tore it into a few larger strips. Then I boiled a pot of tea. I did not drink any of the tea. 😃 The plan was to use the tea to weather our cloth strips a bit so they wouldn’t look quite so clean and new. Once the tea was thoroughly steeped, I put the cloth strips into the tea and let them soak in the tea for about an hour. I then squeezed the tea out and hung the cloth strips up to dry overnight. The following day, I wrapped the cloth strips around and adhered it to the pipe in several spots using hot glue. I think the weathering effect for the cloth worked out pretty well! Finally, used a scrap length of cloth that my wife had for the shoulder strap.

The Final Product

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2020 Time Capsule

Tue, 05 Jan 2021 21:26:43 -0800

Photo by Kelly Sikkema

Some overall reflections on 2020.

In General

The Houn Household made it through the year. We’re the fortunate ones. There is a lot of physical, emotional, economic, and spiritual suffering out there. It’s our charge to do what we can to help.
The lives of black and brown people who are disproportionately negatively impacted by public policies matter.
Homeschooling is challenging.
Standing up this blog has been gratifying.
Streaming myself playing music was stressful, challenging, and didn’t quite achieve the goals I thought it might. Still, it was a joy to push myself to do something uncomfortable, learn new music, and see my kids dancing while watching me stream.
Grace and empathy are more important than ever in our polarized culture and in an environment where each person we interact with is likely going through unknowable challenges.

On Movies

Soul was OK, but didn’t hit the highs that Inside Out did. (see my Pixar Power Ranking ). Probably need to watch it again to formulate a clearer opinion.
Tenet is OK overall. Stunningly shot and directed. Filled with fantastic set pieces. Incomprehensible story for my 0.5 IQ and lacking strong emotional resonance. (see my Chris Nolan Power Ranking ).
Mulan was not great.
Knives Out was great. Whip smart and lots of fun.
Palm Springs was surprisingly good.
Enola Holmes was not good.
Hamilton ⭐ Excellent! I still cry no less than 4 separate times on each rewatch. A beautiful work of art that I appreciate in new ways each time I watch.
Your Name was ok. My expectations were probably too high based on what I had heard and read about it. Still a heartfelt and beautifully animated film.

On TV

The Mandalorian is pretty good. 😄
Cheer was shockingly engrossing and wonderfully uplifting. Unfortunate about the most recent news related to one of its main participants.
Chernobyl - LTTP on this one. Incredible, magnetic, a haunting critique of anti-intellectualism. I think about it regularly.

On What Went Into my Ear Holes

My Spotify 2020 playlist which I guess tells you everything you need to know about my head space last year.

Podcasts I listened to:

On Games

My (mostly) on again off again relationship with Destiny 2 continues. Rich universe, lore, and art combine with extremely polished FPS mechanics and moderate RPG elements. The most recent expansion released in Nov 2020 has been pretty good so far. I have not yet fully exhausted the content released and the changes to the sandbox have been very enjoyable.

Hades. I didn’t think I’d like Hades. I love it. The developers of the game do an incredible job of making you feel like you are in good hands the entire time you are playing the game. Game play elements, mechanics, narrative are all presented and layered so well together that playing the game is a regular experience of surprise, discovery, and serendipity.

Stardew Valley. It’s fun. This game is worth the 15 dollars. The creator just dropped a new update that implements local split screen coop. So awesome! Just started playing it with Amelia and we’re having a ton of fun.

Some of my Favorite Photos from 2020

Spring

Summer

Winter

What I’m looking forward to in 2021

Vaccinations
Welcoming my son to the world
Dune
A new president
Trying to finish Political Visions & Illusions: A Survey & Christian Critique of Contemporary Ideologies

Thanks for reading and getting this far. It’s hard out there. If you ever need a person to talk to, please reach out to me at any of the various points of contact listed on the site and I’d be happy to listen.

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That Time When ... A Delivery Took an Unexpected Turn

Tue, 29 Dec 2020 15:01:05 -0800

Not a flower delivery van, I know. Photo by Norbert Kundrak

Sometime before I was a Tech Writing Manager, QA Manager, or Test Engineer and sometime after I did data entry for a newspaper, TA’d for a computer class for senior citizens, and was a Sandwich Artist – I worked as a Logistics Engineer at a local flower shop. I delivered flowers for 4-5 years during and after college. There are some things I miss about being delivering flowers. The regular push to interact with diverse people who were experiencing a very broad cross-section of human experience. Most folks know about the positive things: celebrations, birthdays, anniversaries, new babies, and holidays. But we also made deliveries for sad events: to funeral homes, gravesides, and wakes.

One day, I had a leafy green plant to deliver. I remember parking the van in front of a single story apartment complex and walking up to the door. The horizontal blinds are drawn shut, despite the warm and sunny Southern California afternoon weather. In my left palm, the potted plant. Under that arm, my delivery clipboard. I reach up my right hand and go for three moderate knocks on the door. Two knocks is too incidental, four knocks too insistent. Hard knocks can come across as threatening, soft knocks can go unheard.

After a moment, the door slowly opens. A middle aged man in his pajamas stands in the door. The man’s appearance was disheveled – his eyes are red and puffy, face unshaven, hair in disarray.

The next thing I notice is the smell of cigarette smoke, heavy both on the man and wafting out of the apartment. Instinctively, my eyes scan the entry way of the dark apartment. The entry way opens directly into the living room. A sofa sits in front of a window. A coffee table sits in front of the sofa. On the coffee table, an ash tray – many cigarette butts had found their home in that tray.

“Delivery for Mr. _____?”

He acknowledges my question and signs the clipboard. I hand over the plant, which now seems smaller and less green than it did a moment ago. In slow motion, he sets it on the coffee table. Cigarette in hand, he opens the attached card. His eyes alternate between looking at the plant and the card. I remain in the doorway. He sits opposite the sofa and window. When he sits, he sits with unknowable weight on his shoulders.

“I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?”

I don’t know why I said that. I am on the clock, I have other deliveries. My boss expects this delivery to take 15 minutes. Furthermore, I don’t know anything about this person and feel utterly ill-equipped to provide anything of value.

From this point on, I don’t remember anything he says. I remember the smell of cigarettes. I know that I sat on the couch. I know that as I sat on that couch, this man shared and wept. Loudly. Openly. A tightly held grief that burst forth in great waves.

Time passed. I remember getting back into the delivery van. My limbs and time itself feeling leadened and weighted. What happened? How long was I there? I wasn’t sure. I knew that I bore some of the man’s grief – but also a different feeling. I only now am beginning to have the vocabulary to describe that time. Intimate, weighty, and … sacred. A brief window into another soul’s grief and sorrow.

I drive back to the flower shop. My explanation of what had happened to my boss was met with some bewilderment. I don’t know what happened to that man afterwards. But I’ve never forgotten him, this story, and the hope that somehow, the brief moment I spent with him brought some daylight into his life.

Photo by Patrick Perkins

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That Time When ... I Thought I Was the Best Basketball Player

Sun, 13 Dec 2020 10:33:56 -0800

When I was in fourth grade, my grandmother signed me up for a church basketball league. I didn’t know anyone or have any friends on the team, but for some reason that didn’t deter me. Why? Because I literally thought I was the best basketball player. Let’s run down the facts as they stood at the time:

Experience playing organized team sports? None
Played basketball on a regular basis? Nope
Knew a lot about the sport from watching televised basketball? Nah. I don’t think I had ever watched a real basketball game before.

So why did I think I was god’s gift to this 4th grade basketball team?

I played a ton of NBA Jam on Super Nintendo. I won 4th place in the local Blockbuster Video Game Tournament . I knew that if you pump faked a couple times, that you could increase your odds of making a shot. These virtual virtues would no doubt translate over to real basketball. How could they not?!

You are allowed to laugh. I certainly laugh, and cringe about it.

So, anyways, I thought I was the best basketball player because of my superior NBA Jam skillz – that is until I showed up for our first practice. I remember the coach. I remember the other players on the team. And, I remember the moment we were told to do a lay-up drill. What’s a lay up? How do I dribble? Where do I stand for a free throw? I did a few pump fakes during a scrimmage and put a shot up, but air balled?! People laughed at my airball. Oh. This. Is. Not. What. I. Thought. It. Would. Be. Like.

That practice was only a preview of the crushing blows my outlandish 4th grade ego would take that season.

Later that season I remember one particular game where our team trailed another in the 4th quarter. Time was ticking down, the opposing team was in possession of the ball. Full court press time! I was guarding the player with the ball. Our coach shouted out to me,

“Foul him! Foul him!”

“What?” I was bewildered. What does that mean? You want me to intentionally hurt him? I had literally no concept for what an intentional foul looked like. And so, I slapped (yes, slapped) at the player who was dribbling up the court. I don’t know what he was thinking, nor do I know what the referee was thinking, but I think they were all really confused by my behavior. I’m pretty sure someone else came up later and fouled the player so we could stop the clock.

In retrospect, its amazing to me that I lasted as long playing basketball as I did – up through freshman year of high school. It’s also a revelation to me that people put up with me at all on that team - from my coaches to my teammates. I’m still very grateful for that time. Prior to playing on that team, I really had no pre-existing concept of what it meant to be on a team, to develop skills (practice) with intentionality and discipline, and how you actually play basketball.

Most importantly, years later those relationships would be used by God to put me in a position to hear and understand the Gospel for the first time. One of the friends I made on that team drove me to youth group almost every week. And youth group led to ultimately to me hearing the Gospel.

Thank God for NBA Jam.

Processing Grief and Mourning

Fri, 29 May 2020 22:12:43 -0700

My heart is heavy and burdened tonight. As of this writing, protests and riots are occurring across the United States in reaction to the death of George Floyd, a black man, at the hands of police. This is on the heels of the shooting of Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor .

Our society is failing its people. Failing to assure each other of our shared humanity and God given worth. Failing to render reforms that lead to a belief that things will get better. It simply isn’t happening. It’s a lot easier to point out and condemn rioting and looting but a lot harder to look at decades of systemic racism, in policy and policing. It certainly doesn’t help that our leader is more interested in pouring gasoline onto the fire , enabling, emboldening, and normalizing behavior utterly devoid of empathy, kindness, or humility. It is up to us to do the work – to build bridges, adjudicate conflict, and to model and represent the values and actions that we wish for ourselves and our children.

This past week, the US marked the milestone of 100,000 people dying as a result of COVID-19.

This Sunday (May 31st, 2020) at 9pm, I’ll be playing music to process and mourn the deep systemic injustices and tragedies that are rocking our world.

Sorting Out Thoughts on Reopening (Part 2)

Wed, 27 May 2020 20:53:23 -0700

See Part 1 for my initial thoughts on reopening church. As of May 25th, 2020 - the California Department of Public Health has released initial guidance for providers of worship services. The guidelines are posted here . Los Angeles County Department of Public Health’s Protocols are available here .

Summary of Public Health Policy Expectations

These are some of the most notable guidelines from the aforementioned released policies:

25% building capacity or 100 people - whichever is lesser (What is the building capacity for the church?)
Physical distancing at least six feet – many accommodations must be made to enable this to occur reliably and consistently
Minimize singing or do it outside if “necessary”. (Singing is anecdotally one of the most notorious means of transmission .)
Regular disinfection and hand washing
Training for staff and volunteers
Temperature and health screening for staff and congregants/visitors
Face coverings worn

Some Background

My multi-generational household is uniquely vulnerable to this disease. On one end of the spectrum we have young children (2,4) - a demographic that is notorious for being a vector for communicable disease. They’re constantly doing ridiculous things like licking their own hair, hands, and toes. And on the other spectrum we have someone in the home who is > 60 years old - a demographic that is typically associated with being at much higher risk of COVID-19 complications.

With all that in mind here are some of my initial thoughts on moving towards something that resembles in-person services.

Note: I’m not going to use the phrase “return to normal” because I think it is entirely plausible that “normal” is going to be totally different from here on out — AND that should not necessarily be viewed as a bad thing. God has plans bigger than us and it’s possible that those plans could include disrupting the status quo of our country’s building-centric church culture. Furthermore, the idea of “returning to normal” can be quite damaging to someone who has experienced loss or pain as a result of COVID-19 - for those who know any one of the 100,000 people who have died - their grief is their new normal and projecting a desire to rapidly return to “normal” can come across as dismissive.

Concerns

Singing

As I mentioned before, singing has been tied to viral transmission in other places - in any phase that involves some in-person activity, consideration and outside medical expertise should be considered depending on the plans we go with, to ensure that we are appropriately mitigating risk.

Children and Church

One constant throughout all of the phases I will describe: until there’s a vaccine, I can’t (yet) imagine how the Children’s ministry could possibly reopen in a way would allow me as a dad to feel safe. Kids are difficult to control, while they may understand physical distancing they can’t be expected to manage it entirely on their own. The burden on volunteers and staff would be immense to train, clean, and ensure that everyone is comfortable and safe. That’s not to say that it’s not possible, I just am having a very difficult time conceiving of how it could work.

Staff and Volunteer Resourcing

Deep cleaning, sanitation, and signage will surely be a huge and ongoing effort. Door handles, bathrooms, pews, mics, communion elements, mic stands, the list goes on. It would seem to me that the more we meet indoors, the greater the effort that must be expended to maintain and sanitize the facility. Furthermore, most recommendations are to meet outdoors if at all possible to reduce risk of transmission. Therefore many of my thoughts are to try and find ways to minimize or very slowly phase into in-person meetings if at all possible so that we can be as safe as possible, and ensure we can effectively run the sanitation processes necessary in a scalable way.

Given my context and some of my concerns, I offer the following thoughts on return phases.

Phase 0 - Online Pre-Recorded Services

Goals for P0

Significantly reduce the possibility of viral transmission
Significantly reduce danger to at-risk demographics
Maintain continuity of church community
Encourage the saints

This is where we are currently at.

Do we have any gauge on how well our current services are doing at supporting and encouraging the congregation? How are our efforts, beyond the recorded service, to maintain connection and community working? We should also consider surveying the congregation to better understand how they are feeling: depressed and isolated, itching to return to in-person services, cautious and concerned, all of the above? This kind of information could help inform the pace at which we consider moving to the next phase.

I think these questions are relevant because I believe that pre-recorded (or live streamed) services are going to be a feature of church for at least as much time as it takes to get a valid vaccination for COVID-19 available.

One observation that I have in this phase is my own sense of “Zoom fatigue” . As we continue on in this phase, are others in the congregation feeling this? How can we best combat it, in order to support those feeling isolated or without community?

Phase 1 - Augmenting Pre-Recorded Services

Goals of P1

Continue to support concerned congregants and at-risk demographics
Safely offer support and community engagement with those who are willing to meet in person for encouragement
Begin experimenting with livestreaming the service

Continue pre-recorded services as currently done in Phase 0. Some ideas to support safe in-person engagement – hosting physically distant car rallies (as capacity allows) in the church parking lot for limited groups on a sign-up basis. The event could be done on a monthly or bi-weekly basis - could be structured similarly to how the church’s “Concert of Prayer” events have been – with modifications as needed.

Benefits of this approach:

Minimizes risk by being outdoors
Reduces sanitation burden on staff
Provides an opt-in outlet for those who are willing and able to physically get to church

One con I could think of:

There may be older congregants who would want to participate but are unable to drive themselves to this kind of event.

One other note: Congregational singing is something we will have to think very carefully about and potentially consult medical professional on further - specifically, is it possible to be physically distant in cars and still be at risk of transmission?

Thoughts on Viewing Parties

One idea that I have seen discussed for this phase is to encourage and support “viewing parties” for worship services. This could work for some, but for our family is not something that we’re ready to participate in.

Phase 2 - Parking Lot / Live Stream Hybrid Services

Goals of P2

Enable a subset of the congregation to worship in-person on the church’s property
Continue to support concerned congregants and at-risk demographics
Safely offer support and in-person engagement with those who are willing to meet in person

If staff and volunteers are ready, you could substitute “Parking Lot” with “Sanctuary”. The idea here is to transition to livestreaming the worship service AND offer a monthly (or some other time increment) service that a limited number of people can sign up for to attend in person. All other congregants are encouraged to watch from home.

Benefits of this approach:

Livestreaming will help improve the sense of communal experience of worshiping together as opposed to the experience of semi-communally watching a pre-recorded service
Only doing ONE in-person service with attendees can help us understand how much work it is going to be to support in-person services and reduces risks of viral transmission and exposure
Only requires volunteers and staff to be in person once per month. In the case of worship leaders, there are currently three worship leaders in rotation - this would allow worship leaders to rotate the in-person service and therefore also reduce their risk of exposure to once every three months.

Phase 3 - ???

It is very difficult for me to imagine a phase like this WITHOUT a scientifically vetted and verified vaccine. I think it’s very possible that we could be in some variation of Phase 2 for as long is at may take to get a vaccine.

Other Thoughts

Regardless of whatever phased approach we end up agreeing on, I believe it is imperative that we do the following:

Act, speak, and plan with love for God and love for neighbor as grounding values.
Enable and ensure that the decisions that individuals and family’s will make are respected - some may not feel comfortable for some time, others are ready now. Giving people the freedom/permission to make these decisions without a sense of judgement is important.
Communicate! We must ensure that at ever level we communicate our plans clearly - from the overall phases, to building capacity, to requirements for those who may come to an in-person service (masks? temperature checks?), to signage and markings to promote physical distancing.

Sorting Out Thoughts on Reopening (Part 1)

Tue, 26 May 2020 21:29:42 -0700

Update: Sorting out my Thoughts on Reopening (Part 2) is now available.

Dear Future Self:

As you read this, we here in 2020 are living through what some have called a once-in-a-century pandemic event. We have been living in varying degrees of state-ordered lockdown for around two months. To date, an impossible to fathom 100,000 people have died because of COVID-19. Almost every possible norm in the regular rhythms of life have been upended for many, including, physical gatherings of our church community at West Covina Christian Church. We are now beginning to discern what the future looks like for the gathering together of the church and this blog is my attempt to chronicle and process my thoughts prior to meeting.

What’s Important

There are several principles (that I can think of) that govern my thinking on this topic:

The biblical mandate to love God first and foremost
The biblical mandate to love my neighbor and pursue my neighbor’s interests above mine own
- Closely correlated: the biblical mandate to consider the poor, widowed, and orphaned - especially of the household of faith.
A biblical framework that recognizes (but does not idolize) the rationality given to us by our rational God
The honoring of and submission to good-faith authorities
Humility
Charity

Loving God First and Foremost

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’

Matthew 22:37

Everything that follows, flows from an ultimate desire to honor and glorify God and to do that in a way that is consistent in obedience to scripture and the nuance of Jesus' life and teachings. Ultimately, for the Christian - there is no sting or true fear of death - there is a peace and abiding joy that comes from the reality of what Jesus has done and is doing. It’s from this posture that I strive to not act out of fear, but out of love.

Loving my Neighbor

And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'

Matthew 22:39

If Jesus' first priority was securing the primacy of loving God, the second is notable: to love our neighbors. In the parable of the Good Samaritan our neighbor is not defined as someone who looks, sounds, acts, or even has the same beliefs as me. It’s someone who in fact can be extremely different from you. How do I love my neighbors who are elderly? How do I love my neighbors who have asthma? How do I love my friends who are immunocompromised? I have none of those conditions, I cannot relate to their experiences. What about the poor? Those who have lost their incomes? Can I temporarily be willing to abridge my experience of civil liberties for the sake of others?

Of course my neighbor is more then those particular groups as well.

So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

Galatians 6:10

The church as a body of believers (not constrained to a building) are to be doers of good. There is room to figure out what doing good for the household of faith looks like. As we cautiously begin considering plans for a phased church reopening we balance loving our many neighbors by preventing the spread of communicable disease AND the doing of good and loving of our neighbors vis-a-vie an in-person communal experience.

Accepting Rationality

Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord:

though your sins are like scarlet,

they shall be as white as snow;

though they are red like crimson,

they shall become like wool.

Isaiah 1:18

I had to put this here because there is a lot of anti-science mis-information being spread. God has created us uniquely to be like him - to have some capacity for creativity and rationality. Science is one out-working of that. This is not to say that all science is 100% truth, but when a majority of reputable scientists are expressing concern about a singular virus: any policy we draft should take that seriously.

Honoring Good-Faithed Authorities

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.

Romans 13:1

This is closely correlated to the previous principle. I am not an expert in infectious diseases. Because it is a novel Coronavirus I accept that what we understand about it is an evolving process. The R0 value, what constitutes the best precautions, the severity of illness, etc. The uncertainty however, does not dissuade me from allowing myself to be subject to those who I believe are trying to act in the best interests of the governed. It also reminds me to respect those who are working in good faith to govern. The major question here that I struggle with is what constitutes “good faith”.

When government leaders promote division, discord, or falsehoods, I do not consider that “good faith”. Do I ignore them? No, but I probably will evaluate direction from authorities that lack good-faithed credibility much more than those who have no such lack.

Humility

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Colossians 3:12

There’s always pieces of the picture that I know I’m missing, and so I hope to always come to the table with a learner’s attitude. It’s very on-brand these days to put aside humility in favor of “confidence” and a “never-admit-you-are-wrong-ever” attitude. I think those cultural features of our day are grotesque and particularly void of a recognition of the depths of our own sin and capacity for self-delusion. I continue to learn in life, that even as I regularly tell myself, “I’m humble”, that I’m often in fact full of myself. I hope that as I approach this difficult topic of reopening, that I conduct myself as Colossians 3:12 describes.

Charity

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32

The virtue of Christian charity is one that, in the popular narrative, is effectively absent - replaced by the divisions of the ongoing culture war. Can we be kind to those who disagree with us? Tenderhearted even? Forgiving one another when we, inevitably, get it wrong? I hope so.

Finally

I ended up writing a lot more than I anticipated, so these thoughts are now going to be split into a two part-er. I’ll try and write up my thoughts on specific implementation details for a church reopening plan soon.

Hello World

Thu, 21 May 2020 13:51:36 -0700

Hello World indeed. I turn 35 this month. I was told that this firmly puts me in the “Mid-thirties” demographic but definitely not in the “mid-life” bracket. The world sure has changed a lot since I last wrote a blog post five years ago .

I’m not really sure what this blog will have to offer the world, but I will do my best to articulate my experience of culture and life at this time and my resolution in the face of it. “Culture war” is a phrase often used to describe the times we’re in; the conflict between “liberals” and “conservatives”, “pro-life” and “pro-choice”, social justice and “responsibility”, gun rights and gun safety. Increasingly I am more and more uneasy with the terms of engagement defined for living in and interacting with our society. I know I’m not the only one .

“…you simply can’t get orthodox Christianity into one political mold.”

Tim Keller, https://nymag.com/news/features/62374/

A few years ago, my good friend Joel, shared a book with me: Culture Care by Makoto Fujimura . It’s a bit of an esoteric book – but it had a through line of themes and ideas that resonated with me. A Christian call to empathy and generativity. The former, a willingness to skillfully and patiently listen, understand, and relate to others across typical social boundaries. The latter, a willingness to reconsider a life of consumption, and embrace the act of creating or doing something good to express beauty, truth, and love. The decision to wage culture care instead of culture war. I therefore do resolve to try and do what I can to take this tenuous moment of crisis and be a conduit through which people around me may experience peace, joy, love, beauty, and truth. Which brings me here . And doing crazy things like this:

Will it last? Will these things make a difference? Honestly, I have no idea - but I know that I’ve been blessed to be a blessing and we all gotta start somewhere.

In Other News

We had reservations to camp in Yosemite this past week. Obviously that didn’t happen:

The lemonade still tasted good though.